Hacks for your Marriage

Marriage is hard. But it is also one of the greatest blessings.

Hacks for your Marriage
Photo by Sandy Millar / Unsplash

One of the most exciting times in life is the season of engagement. One of the greatest blessings of my “job” is getting to counsel couples before their wedding day. It’s always so fun to come alongside couples, hear their stories, and their dreams, and hopefully help them be set up for a biblical, healthy, life-long marriage. I get to meet with them a few times before the BIG day and we get to talk all about what they envision the future looking like and we work backwards from there to plan for success.

Marriage is hard. But it is also one of the greatest blessings. Having a firm foundation is key but it’s never too late to start putting in the work to create a happy, healthy marriage. Today, I’ll share a few “hacks”, so to speak, that has helped my wife and I create a divorce-proof marriage: 

1. Pray Together

A study in 2010 found that roughly 50% of first marriages end in divorce. That is one in every two marriages. On the flip side of that coin, an article in the Journal of Marriage and Family states that less than one percent of couples that pray together daily have marriages that end in divorce. Couples that pray together have a 99% marriage success rate! That is INCREDIBLE to see the stats back up the power of prayer. I would encourage you to set aside time each day to pray with your spouse. Whether it’s the first thing you do when you wake up or the last thing you do before you go to bed each night, take 5 minutes to pray together, just the two of you, and watch as God brings you each closer to Him, how much better your relationship with each other grows to be.

Couples that pray together have a 99% marriage success rate!

2. Spice it Up

For the love of all things good, spice up your marriage! The stereotypical answer to date night is dinner and a movie right? Which is great and there is nothing wrong with it. However, familiarity breeds contempt. So with this in mind, sometimes we just get caught up in routines and stop taking the time to put in the effort to spice it up! We stop doing what we did when we were dating and start just doing what we could to get by. I’d encourage you to keep putting in effort, keep trying new things, and keep pursuing and thinking outside of the box when it comes to date night. So spice it up!

3. Have Boundaries

One of the fastest ways to burn your marriage down to the ground is to allow the fire of intimacy (in all forms) to get outside of the boundaries of the fireplace. The fireplace in this instance, is your marriage. When innocent workplace conversations cross an emotional boundary, the fire is out of the fireplace. When one bad habit of keeping financial secrets from your spouse gets out of hand, the fire is out of the fireplace. If there are no boundaries in place for your marriage, then I promise (Just like I promise all young couples) there are guaranteed to be unmet expectations, and hurt feelings. Some of the boundaries that could be put in place include what dollar amount of purchase necessitates a conversation with each other? What level of communication via text, email, phone, and social media is appropriate with the opposite gender? What amount of communication is expected about what is taking place in each person's workplace? There isn’t a perfect list of boundaries and each couple will have slightly different ideas about what those boundaries should be, but make no mistake… not having any boundaries is a recipe for disaster. Set the boundaries. Honor the boundaries. And keep the fire burning in the fireplace. 

4. Have a Vision for Your Marriage!

I can’t tell you enough how important it is for you to have a vision for your marriage. When you said “I do” it was in hopes for a lifetime of happiness; together! Be excited about the plans that you envision! You don’t want to just be surviving every day. The goal is to be thriving; together! What are your dreams? What do you want your family to look like tomorrow, next month, and next year? Set goals. Have dreams. Then take steps to get that preferred future that you envision; together. 

5. Seek Intimacy

My hope for every marriage is that there is a deep sense of connection between the husband and wife. Even from the beginning of time, deep connection has been the plan. Genesis puts it this way in chapter 2:24… “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.” In a world full of surface-level relationships and connections, there is a stark difference when two people share intimacy with each other. Relationally. Emotionally. Spiritually. And Physically. It is a novel thing to share the fears, failures, hopes, dreams, struggles, joys, and all other things of life with one person. It creates a bond that stands out and gives us life! So take some time to spend intentional time and energy seeking deep relational intimacy with your spouse this week!