Parenting Through the Noise

The state of parenting today raises more than a few concerns. We see it in our schools, our workplaces, in the news, on social media, and everywhere we seem to look that there are problems we need to address.

Recently, I read the book “Bad Therapy” by Abigail Shrier which is not a Christian book written by a lawyer who more than anything does an admirable job at identifying the parenting problems in our culture at large. We are producing less independent kids, more depressed and anxious kids, and more medicalized kids than ever before. You have probably seen this with your eyes, but didn’t know how or if you should express it with your mouth. But the real question is what do we do about it… 

I am a father of 4 (7-year-old, 6-year-old, 2-year-old, and newborn) and far from the perfect parent, but from my personal experience and talking to those smarter and more capable than myself, here are a few lessons I believe all parents can apply:

1.   Determine Your Authority

We have never had access to more information in history than we do today, yet it often seems like we are more confused than ever about what to do with that information. From podcasts to social influencers to YouTube channels to pediatricians to school officials there are a million different voices telling us how to parent our kids. Are they all wrong? No. Are they all right? Also, no.

I believe one of the hardest things to do in our world today is to decipher the noise and the data we take in and run it through a funnel of wisdom and application for our lives. It comes down to the question of who are you going to let be an authoritative voice in your life.

There is not one, comprehensive, full-fledged plan that will walk you step by step through your parenting journey and give you all the right answers. So naturally we have to decide what authorities or experts we are going to listen to and have a funnel we run that through. As a Christian, my funnel that I run information through is the Bible, now does the bible address every single parenting circumstance I will face? No, but it gives me the principles and the foundation to work from.

 A great resource available that works in tandem with our kids’ weekend service curriculum at Cross Church is the Parent Cue app: https://theparentcue.org/app/

This app allows you to follow along with your child what they are learning at church, but gives application points for how to reinforce those foundational truths. Recently, they have also added a “Phase” guide that for a subscription you can get relevant, Christ-centered resources for your child at their stage of life.

But, let’s get practical and give a real-life example of what funneling expert voices through the authoritative voice of the Bible looks like. A popular parenting trend from many experts now is asking our kids “How do you feel about ____?” You can debate the effectiveness or the merits of that question at different stages of life, but how does this sentiment and question work when a child becomes a teenager and has cultural pressure that they question their sexuality or biological identity? Well, the Bible tells us we are to train our children in the way they should go (Prov. 22:6) and that the heart is deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9). Now, that may be what they feel in their hearts in that time, but the Bible needs to be our ultimate authority in that situation that we lovingly shepherd our kids to show them that their heart doesn’t determine their reality. Is this controversial in our secular culture today? Absolutely, which is why it’s so important that we determine who will be our ultimate authority. 

2.   Find Your Local Parent Clan

Once you establish who that ultimate authority in your life is it becomes vital that you have a group around you with that same worldview. As Christians, when we make the Bible our ultimate authority, we need a community around us to help live that out practically. For parents, we need other parents.

I believe this is where the local church is essential! The church can be that diverse group of people who may be at different stages of life, but ultimately share the same worldview and purpose for their life in glorifying Jesus. 

Where this gets practical and intentional is I recommend finding 3 groups of parents to surround yourself with:

-       The Mentor Parents: These are parents ahead in their kids’ stage of life that you admire and respect and can learn from. When faced with a difficult situation you can go to for advice, coaching, or just an encouraging voice who has gone down that road.

-       The Co-Laboring Parents: These are parents at your stage of life, you’re equally sleep-deprived or frustrated with potty training, equally ignored by teenagers or struggling to move adult kids out of your house. These are the friends who can assure you that you’re not crazy or alone, but are facing the same problems at the same time.

-       The Up and Coming Parents: These are parents a stage or two behind you that you are mentoring, loving on, and being the voice of encouragement to help pass on the wins or the mistakes you have made.

The point of all this is you build a tribe, clan, community, whatever you want to call it around you filled with parents who can be the support system, the sounding board, and the co-laborers to help decipher how God wants you to parent in a biblical manner. 

3.   Embrace the Failures

Parenting like so many areas of life seems to be all about failing, learning from failures, and keep moving forward. Where this is different than self-discipline or leadership is that the attitude of embracing failures isn’t just for you as a parent, but for your kids as well.

 One of the best things you can do as a parent is as your kids continue to grow, we continue to give them more opportunities to fail. We are currently seeing a cultural generation of young adults who are smart, talented, and full of potential, but are so risk-averse and afraid to do things without their parents. I would argue this is because a generation of cultural parenting was all about making sure kids didn’t endure the emotional, physical, social, and spiritual pain that they did, not realizing that’s exactly what made them the people they are today.

You will fail as a parent and your kids will fail as kids…embrace it, learn from it, and keep moving forward.

My prayer for myself and for you in this current parenting season is that you establish and keep God as your authority, that you build a community of parents around you, and that you embrace a culture of failing in your family that doesn’t derail but rather pushes forward. I, for one, cannot wait to see how the next generation of kids led by godly parents will shape the future of our world!

“As for me and my family, we will worship the LORD” Joshua 24:15